things to do:

*take up that axe collection
(i could see that happening if i develop disposable income)
*quit job
*pluck and lighten eyebrows
(because i'm 1/4 Sasquatch)
*refill glass with organic lemonade and seltzer
*close the window--its freaking raining!


today i see myself growing ever closer to that day my shaky emotional behavior has me doing a twelve-step apology to my coworkers in the break room for being all dooms and glooms. its not my fault i have to wait on the mouth-breathers.

my work evaluation read "needs to learn to deal with and accept customers"

so i beg you for a year to give me a real position there away from the registers and this is your answer???

THINGS TO DO CONTINUED:

*shave legs (that stubble isn't going to just fall out--that's for the hair on your head to do!

*sleep a consecutive twelve hours (you should have bought that air-conditioner)

things i want to hear God say

i looooooove Inside the Actor's Studio. i looooooathe its non-existent time-slot on bravo. the Bernard Pivot questionnaire is my favorite bit, and like a pretentious suicide-girl, i'm going to give as many answers as i can to my favorite one:

"if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you reach the pearly gates?"

1. want to go again? leave your slushy here though, you'll spill it.
2. i really have no idea what side the American Catholic League is on!
3. NAFTA? that wasn't me--that was the beast.
4. sorry about the whole poo thing.
5. we're going to get baked and watch Bowie in Labyrinth. Want a Dorito?
6. LOVED your homemade Ouija boards! You were a creative girl scout!
7. Hunter Thompson just farted and high-five'd George Carlin.
8. To be honest i really don't know if Michael Jackson is dead or not! I wasn't looking!
9. that bitch totally had a weave!
10. i was watching you have sex through the eyes of that velvet painting in your parent's living room.
11. i could never get into the SIMS.
12. i DO sound like James Mason...
13. i know i said there were no refunds in the suicide policy, but i guess you can have store credit.
14. well I just loved your screenplay.
15. don't feel bad about your second novel, though. only the whackos read mine.

the most PERFECT birthday ever.

there's always next year.

i want a cake that looks like that:





pearls, flowers, fairies. i want a party that rivals the birthday scene in Marie Antoinette, and the morning after. 90% outside in a garden with trees and flowers and a non-stop breeze.




i want the futureheads or maximo park to play, and i want a new pink dress made of pink cotton gauze.

but the catering, painstakingly prepared by me and loyal assistants for a week in advance:

Mexican food and macaroni & cheese. I'm dead serious. i would step over my own mother for a taco. a REAL taco. even on my birthday. There has to be homemade peach and black cherry ice creams, served with Sparkling Lemonade from Santa Cruz Organic

i want a newly-tuned steinway and i want to sit at it for three hours singing all our favorite songs.

one can dream, huh?